I've come to a conclusion of sorts lately that there is nothing left to figure out. Figuring out stuff like: Who am I? What is God and what is my relationship to It? Is existence as a separate being truly an illusion and what does THAT mean? etc. These are all mind games that feel good for a while and then need refreshing, daily. I'm tired of all that. So I realize now that what I've become is an Experience Explorer.
There is SOMETHING being experienced here. Who is experiencing it and what it is that is really being experienced isn't clear, but experiencing IS happening. Now "I" appear to be the one "doing" the experiencing, but when I look at the sensations in my body, within the confines of my skin that I usually associate with "me", something strange happens. What I'm really asking is not who am I, but where am I? Where are the sensation that I gather around and collectively refer to as "me"? Well sometimes it's an area right behind my eyes, especially when I'm out in the world. Sometimes it's a feeling in my throat, particularly when I'm talking, but even more so when I'm talking to myself. Sometimes it's in my chest when I'm worried or happy. And sometimes it's a little guy in my thoughts that collects and keeps track of all the memories and stories about me.
Now the strange thing I mentioned is that I can look AT all of these sensations of me, that individually and collectively have always felt like Rick. When I do, they become the OBJECT of experiencing. What's doing the looking when I'm being looked at? In other words, I can look at all the sensations inside my body and they are not me anymore. They are just bodily sensations and emotions being experienced by something else. If I think I detect something doing the looking then its a thing being looked at, not the looker.
Try it. You can't just take my word for it. This is an exploration not an explanation.
What it begins to feel like as I practice this, this looking at the sensations that I used to associate with "me", is that my awareness does not originate inside of my mind or body, but my mind and body are inside of, or a product of Awareness. And yes, at this point I must capitalize Awareness because it becomes something greater than, but a integral part of every experience. This Awareness is always aware. Even in deep sleep when "I'm" totally gone, it responds to a touch or sound.
What is this Seeing that can't be seen?
Black Bean Soup
2 months ago